Clever adult humor gifts with a naughty sweet side.

  • Anniversary Blowjob
  • Anniversary Blowjob
😈 After Hours™

Anniversary Blowjob

$23.95
$23.95
Script Discount Doses Depleted

SELECT YOUR ACTIVE INGREDIENT

Current Current Dose: Birthday Suit (Bananas)
Current Dose:

🇺🇸 Ships to US Addresses Only 🚚

Script Information

Anniversary Blowjob™ is for celebrating another year together with the kind of anniversary gift that definitely wasn’t on the traditional gift list.

Made for couples with a sense of humor, questionable anniversary traditions, and anyone who believes making it another 365 days deserves a little extra appreciation.

Prescribed By: Dr. Pearl Necklace
Patient: Lucky You
Dosage: Take annually.
Refills: Once every 365 days
Expires: After I swallow
Directions: Unzip.

Perfect for adult gag gifts, funny anniversary gifts, naughty gifts for partners, inappropriate gag gifts, and couples who prefer their anniversary humor with absolutely no subtlety.

Expectations May Increase. May cause sudden interest in 1st date, 1st kiss, and 1st movie anniversaries.

Net Weight: 4.5 oz candy fill.
Anniversary Blowjob
Anniversary Blowjob
$23.95
$23.95
Take Two & Text Me parody prescription gift bottles with colorful candy, white gift bags, and black-and-white striped ribbons. Take Two & Text Me parody prescription gift bottles with colorful candy, white gift bags, and black-and-white striped ribbons.

After Hours Rx Gift Formula

Symptoms:

Playful intentions

After-hours confidence

A healthy appetite for fun

Intended For:

Partners

Spouses

Friends with absolutely no filter

Use When:

You want a gift that gets a real reaction

The occasion calls for something a little inappropriate

A basic gift simply will not do

Temporary Relief:

Makes gifting a little less predictable

Made for excellent stories and labels your mother should never read

Test Results (Highly Unregulated)

Trial: Bedroom Boundaries™

“Administered the Safe Word Sours variant. Subject demonstrated an immediate 95% increase in communication clarity. Boundaries successfully established without killing the after-hours mood.”

— Dr. Safe Word, Lead Observer

Case File: Sneaky Link Tabs™

“Tested during an unregulated 2 AM secret arrival. Subject successfully deleted all text evidence and executed a flawless exit. 100% effective for handling late-night cravings.”

— Dr. No Evidence, Field Researcher

Data: Talk Dirty Drops™

“Prescribed to a chronically quiet partner. Side effects included a sudden unlock of the throat chakra, extreme vocal confidence, and whispered commands. Proceed with absolute caution.”

— Dr. Say More, Clinical Director

Command: Clit Commander™

“Administered the Feral Friction variant during a late-night text sequence. Subject demonstrated an immediate 200% spike in bedroom authority. Confirmed highly effective for taking absolute charge, though strictly contraindicated for button mashers or ego-driven amateurs.”

— Dr. Femme Power, Lead Observer

Trial: Bedroom Boundaries™

“Administered the Safe Word Sours variant. Subject demonstrated an immediate 95% increase in communication clarity. Boundaries successfully established without killing the after-hours mood.”

— Dr. Safe Word, Lead Observer

Case File: Sneaky Link Tabs™

“Tested during an unregulated 2 AM secret arrival. Subject successfully deleted all text evidence and executed a flawless exit. 100% effective for handling late-night cravings.”

— Dr. No Evidence, Field Researcher

Data: Talk Dirty Drops™

“Prescribed to a chronically quiet partner. Side effects included a sudden unlock of the throat chakra, extreme vocal confidence, and whispered commands. Proceed with absolute caution.”

— Dr. Say More, Clinical Director

Command: Clit Commander™

“Administered the Feral Friction variant during a late-night text sequence. Subject demonstrated an immediate 200% spike in bedroom authority. Confirmed highly effective for taking absolute charge, though strictly contraindicated for button mashers or ego-driven amateurs.”

— Dr. Femme Power, Lead Observer

Trial: Bedroom Boundaries™

“Administered the Safe Word Sours variant. Subject demonstrated an immediate 95% increase in communication clarity. Boundaries successfully established without killing the after-hours mood.”

— Dr. Safe Word, Lead Observer

Case File: Sneaky Link Tabs™

“Tested during an unregulated 2 AM secret arrival. Subject successfully deleted all text evidence and executed a flawless exit. 100% effective for handling late-night cravings.”

— Dr. No Evidence, Field Researcher

Data: Talk Dirty Drops™

“Prescribed to a chronically quiet partner. Side effects included a sudden unlock of the throat chakra, extreme vocal confidence, and whispered commands. Proceed with absolute caution.”

— Dr. Say More, Clinical Director

Command: Clit Commander™

“Administered the Feral Friction variant during a late-night text sequence. Subject demonstrated an immediate 200% spike in bedroom authority. Confirmed highly effective for taking absolute charge, though strictly contraindicated for button mashers or ego-driven amateurs.”

— Dr. Femme Power, Lead Observer

Trial: Bedroom Boundaries™

“Administered the Safe Word Sours variant. Subject demonstrated an immediate 95% increase in communication clarity. Boundaries successfully established without killing the after-hours mood.”

— Dr. Safe Word, Lead Observer

Case File: Sneaky Link Tabs™

“Tested during an unregulated 2 AM secret arrival. Subject successfully deleted all text evidence and executed a flawless exit. 100% effective for handling late-night cravings.”

— Dr. No Evidence, Field Researcher

Data: Talk Dirty Drops™

“Prescribed to a chronically quiet partner. Side effects included a sudden unlock of the throat chakra, extreme vocal confidence, and whispered commands. Proceed with absolute caution.”

— Dr. Say More, Clinical Director

Command: Clit Commander™

“Administered the Feral Friction variant during a late-night text sequence. Subject demonstrated an immediate 200% spike in bedroom authority. Confirmed highly effective for taking absolute charge, though strictly contraindicated for button mashers or ego-driven amateurs.”

— Dr. Femme Power, Lead Observer

Trial: Bedroom Boundaries™

“Administered the Safe Word Sours variant. Subject demonstrated an immediate 95% increase in communication clarity. Boundaries successfully established without killing the after-hours mood.”

— Dr. Safe Word, Lead Observer

Case File: Sneaky Link Tabs™

“Tested during an unregulated 2 AM secret arrival. Subject successfully deleted all text evidence and executed a flawless exit. 100% effective for handling late-night cravings.”

— Dr. No Evidence, Field Researcher

Data: Talk Dirty Drops™

“Prescribed to a chronically quiet partner. Side effects included a sudden unlock of the throat chakra, extreme vocal confidence, and whispered commands. Proceed with absolute caution.”

— Dr. Say More, Clinical Director

Command: Clit Commander™

“Administered the Feral Friction variant during a late-night text sequence. Subject demonstrated an immediate 200% spike in bedroom authority. Confirmed highly effective for taking absolute charge, though strictly contraindicated for button mashers or ego-driven amateurs.”

— Dr. Femme Power, Lead Observer

Trial: Bedroom Boundaries™

“Administered the Safe Word Sours variant. Subject demonstrated an immediate 95% increase in communication clarity. Boundaries successfully established without killing the after-hours mood.”

— Dr. Safe Word, Lead Observer

Case File: Sneaky Link Tabs™

“Tested during an unregulated 2 AM secret arrival. Subject successfully deleted all text evidence and executed a flawless exit. 100% effective for handling late-night cravings.”

— Dr. No Evidence, Field Researcher

Data: Talk Dirty Drops™

“Prescribed to a chronically quiet partner. Side effects included a sudden unlock of the throat chakra, extreme vocal confidence, and whispered commands. Proceed with absolute caution.”

— Dr. Say More, Clinical Director

Command: Clit Commander™

“Administered the Feral Friction variant during a late-night text sequence. Subject demonstrated an immediate 200% spike in bedroom authority. Confirmed highly effective for taking absolute charge, though strictly contraindicated for button mashers or ego-driven amateurs.”

— Dr. Femme Power, Lead Observer

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Not-A-Pharmacy Questions

Take Two & Text Me gift bottles beside a framed sign reading “Questions. Welcome. Judgment. Optional.” Take Two & Text Me gift bottles beside a framed sign reading “Questions. Welcome. Judgment. Optional.”

No, this is a parody gift and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition. Need professional help? Call or text 988 for 24/7 mental health crisis support.

Each product is built around a prescription-inspired parody label made for a specific mood, theme, or “symptom.” The candy dose finishes the gift with 4.5 oz of something sweet, spicy, sour, or seasonally selected to match the moment.

Yes. Each product includes three 4.5 oz candy dose options curated to match the product’s mood, theme, and “symptom.” Candy options may change seasonally or based on availability.

Sneaky links, dirty talkers, modern daters, your favorite plus-one, and anyone who thinks a basic gift card is a completely boring way to handle a complicated vibe.

Yes. Take Two & Text Me™ is made for easy gifting, whether you are sending support, sarcasm, celebration, or a tiny emotional intervention.

Take Two & Text Me brand logo text bubble icon for product page about section Take Two & Text Me brand logo text bubble icon for product page about section

About Take Two & Text Me™

Take Two & Text Me™ creates prescription-inspired gifts for the moments, problems, and personality quirks we lovingly refuse to fix.

After Hours Rx™ is our collection for adult humor, attraction, dirty jokes, bedroom humor, and gifts that are a little bolder than the usual.

  • Take Two & Text Me smiley face icon
    Instant Mood Boost

    Humor, Sweet relief, Zero serious energy

  • Take Two & Text Me gift bag icon
    Gift-Ready

    Because laughter is basically the perfect present


  • Take Two & Text Me sparkle icon
    Prescribed for Real Life

    Made for overthinkers, multitaskers, and the chronically overwhelmed

  • Take Two & Text Me pill icon
    Sweet Dose. Big Impact

    A daily reminder that humor helps in life