• Unpaid Therapist
  • Unpaid Therapist
🍎 Faculty Ward™

Unpaid Therapist

$23.95
$23.95
Script Discount Doses Depleted

SELECT YOUR ACTIVE INGREDIENT

Dose: Emotional First Response (Rainbow Hearts)

🇺🇸 Ships to US Addresses Only 🚚

Script Information

Unpaid Therapist™ is for when kids trauma-dump by second period.

Made for desks that become counseling offices, hallway vent sessions, surprise emotional disclosures, and trying to teach while somehow becoming everyone’s unofficial therapist.

Prescribed By: Dr. Not a Therapist
Patient: Emotionally Booked
Dosage: Take when your desk becomes a counseling office.
Refills: When someone asks to talk
Expires: When the vent session ends
Directions: Use when your desk becomes the unofficial counseling office.

Perfect for school counselor gifts, funny guidance counselor gifts, school social worker humor, empathetic teacher gifts, and classroom sanity survival.

Boundaries may appear. Side effects include emotional carryover, deep sighs, and zero prep time.

Net Weight: 4.5 oz candy fill.
Unpaid Therapist
Unpaid Therapist
$23.95
$23.95

Faculty Ward Gift Formula

Symptoms:

Grading fatigue

Parent emails

Copier drama

Classroom chaos

Intended For:

Teachers

School counselors

School social workers

Tired school staff

Use When:

Another gift card feels insulting

Temporary Relief:

Laughing to keep from crying

Made for a career that comes with side effects

Teacher Evaluation Scores

Distinguished Score

“Exceeds all expectations. Put this on my desk and even the administration smiled during my formal review.”

— Sarah K., Verified Teacher

Highly Effective

“The ultimate professional support aid. Way better than another gift card for surviving finals week.”

— Robert T., Verified Educator

Meets Every Standard

“Approved for daily counselor support. It sits right next to the desk as a perfect, hilarious warning label.”

— Emily D., Verified School Staff

Exceeds Standards

“A masterclass in classroom coping. Sent this to my partner and we made it to day 100 with zero breakdowns.”

— Jenna M., Verified Teacher

Distinguished Score

“Exceeds all expectations. Put this on my desk and even the administration smiled during my formal review.”

— Sarah K., Verified Teacher

Highly Effective

“The ultimate professional support aid. Way better than another gift card for surviving finals week.”

— Robert T., Verified Educator

Meets Every Standard

“Approved for daily counselor support. It sits right next to the desk as a perfect, hilarious warning label.”

— Emily D., Verified School Staff

Exceeds Standards

“A masterclass in classroom coping. Sent this to my partner and we made it to day 100 with zero breakdowns.”

— Jenna M., Verified Teacher

Distinguished Score

“Exceeds all expectations. Put this on my desk and even the administration smiled during my formal review.”

— Sarah K., Verified Teacher

Highly Effective

“The ultimate professional support aid. Way better than another gift card for surviving finals week.”

— Robert T., Verified Educator

Meets Every Standard

“Approved for daily counselor support. It sits right next to the desk as a perfect, hilarious warning label.”

— Emily D., Verified School Staff

Exceeds Standards

“A masterclass in classroom coping. Sent this to my partner and we made it to day 100 with zero breakdowns.”

— Jenna M., Verified Teacher

Distinguished Score

“Exceeds all expectations. Put this on my desk and even the administration smiled during my formal review.”

— Sarah K., Verified Teacher

Highly Effective

“The ultimate professional support aid. Way better than another gift card for surviving finals week.”

— Robert T., Verified Educator

Meets Every Standard

“Approved for daily counselor support. It sits right next to the desk as a perfect, hilarious warning label.”

— Emily D., Verified School Staff

Exceeds Standards

“A masterclass in classroom coping. Sent this to my partner and we made it to day 100 with zero breakdowns.”

— Jenna M., Verified Teacher

Distinguished Score

“Exceeds all expectations. Put this on my desk and even the administration smiled during my formal review.”

— Sarah K., Verified Teacher

Highly Effective

“The ultimate professional support aid. Way better than another gift card for surviving finals week.”

— Robert T., Verified Educator

Meets Every Standard

“Approved for daily counselor support. It sits right next to the desk as a perfect, hilarious warning label.”

— Emily D., Verified School Staff

Exceeds Standards

“A masterclass in classroom coping. Sent this to my partner and we made it to day 100 with zero breakdowns.”

— Jenna M., Verified Teacher

Distinguished Score

“Exceeds all expectations. Put this on my desk and even the administration smiled during my formal review.”

— Sarah K., Verified Teacher

Highly Effective

“The ultimate professional support aid. Way better than another gift card for surviving finals week.”

— Robert T., Verified Educator

Meets Every Standard

“Approved for daily counselor support. It sits right next to the desk as a perfect, hilarious warning label.”

— Emily D., Verified School Staff

Exceeds Standards

“A masterclass in classroom coping. Sent this to my partner and we made it to day 100 with zero breakdowns.”

— Jenna M., Verified Teacher

Staff Lounge Essentials

Parent Email Antacid Parent Email Antacid

Take Two & Text Me

Parent Email Antacid

$23.95
$23.95
Unpaid Therapist Unpaid Therapist

Take Two & Text Me

Unpaid Therapist

$23.95
$23.95
Lesson Plan Roulette Lesson Plan Roulette

Take Two & Text Me

Lesson Plan Roulette

$23.95
$23.95
Laminated Everything Laminated Everything

Take Two & Text Me

Laminated Everything

$23.95
$23.95
Because a gift card won't buy back their sanity

Beyond the Starbucks Card

The Faculty Ward™ is funny, honest, and delivers the exact dose of classroom survival humor they actually deserve

Not-A-Pharmacy Questions

No, this is a parody gift and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition. Need professional help? Call or text 988 for 24/7 mental health crisis support.

Each product is built around a prescription-inspired parody label made for a specific mood, theme, or “symptom.” The candy dose finishes the gift with 4.5 oz of something sweet, spicy, sour, or seasonally selected to match the moment.

Yes. Each product includes three 4.5 oz candy dose options curated to match the product’s mood, theme, and “symptom.” Candy options may change seasonally or based on availability.

For educators, school administrators, and support staff who rely on cold coffee, dark humor, and each other to survive the school year.

Yes. Take Two & Text Me™ is made for easy gifting, whether you are sending support, sarcasm, celebration, or a tiny emotional intervention.

Take Two & Text Me brand logo text bubble icon for product page about section Take Two & Text Me brand logo text bubble icon for product page about section

About Take Two & Text Me™

Take Two & Text Me™ creates prescription-inspired gifts for the moments, problems, and personality quirks we lovingly refuse to fix.

The Faculty Ward™ is our dedicated survival cabinet for educators navigating grading fatigue, inbox indigestion, endless admin slides, and the daily miracle of keeping it together before the dismissal bell rings.

  • Take Two & Text Me smiley face icon
    Instant Mood Boost

    Humor, Sweet relief, Zero serious energy

  • Take Two & Text Me gift bag icon
    Gift-Ready

    Because laughter is basically the perfect present


  • Take Two & Text Me sparkle icon
    Prescribed for Real Life

    Made for overthinkers, multitaskers, and the chronically overwhelmed

  • Take Two & Text Me pill icon
    Sweet Dose. Big Impact

    A daily reminder that humor helps in life