Prescription-Strength Humor, Bottled

✨ Zodiac Rx™

Pseudo-scientific logic for your planetary retrogrades and personality flaws.

Rx for:

Birth Chart Blame

Common Symptoms:

Mercury retrograde excuses

Rising-sign defensiveness

Personality flaws with proof

Emotional weather reports

Blaming the moon again

#NotaRealMD Note:

Take two and stop blaming Mercury

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12 products
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Aquarius Air Tabs

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Cancer Capsules

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Gemini Gelcaps

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Leo Lozenges

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Libra Aid

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Pisces Patches

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Scorpio Suppositories

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Taurus Tabs

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Virgo Vials

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Other Scripts In the Med Cabinet

📱 Viral Symptom Rx™
🚨 Adulting Triage™
😈 After Hours™
👯 Best Friend Pharmacy™
💔 Breakup Rx™
❤️‍🩹 Emotional First Aid™
👨‍👧 Family Side Effects™
❤️ Love Symptoms™
🚩 Red Flag Rx™
🏢 Office Clinic™
🍎 Faculty Ward™
🎂 Signs of Aging™
Libra Aid funny Libra gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift by Take Two & Text Me Aquarius Air Tabs funny Aquarius gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift by Take Two & Text Me Scorpio Suppressants funny Scorpio gifts prescription bottle and dark astrology gag gift by Take Two & Text Me Funny Sagittarius gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift travel flatlay by Take Two & Text Me Capricorn Crystals funny Capricorn gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift desk flatlay by Take Two & Text Me

Per clinical notes...

Subject exhibits severe detachment paired with a niche god complex.

View Rx

Subject is harboring an entirely imagined seven-year grudge.

View rx

Subject booked a one-way flight to escape accountability.

View Rx

Subject treated a casual friendship like a corporate performance review.

View rx
Libra Aid funny Libra gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift by Take Two & Text Me

Per clinical notes...

Aquarius Air Tabs funny Aquarius gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift by Take Two & Text Me

Subject exhibits severe detachment paired with a niche god complex.

View Rx
Scorpio Suppressants funny Scorpio gifts prescription bottle and dark astrology gag gift by Take Two & Text Me

Subject is harboring an entirely imagined seven-year grudge.

View rx
Funny Sagittarius gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift travel flatlay by Take Two & Text Me

Subject booked a one-way flight to escape accountability.

View Rx
Capricorn Crystals funny Capricorn gifts prescription bottle and astrology gag gift desk flatlay by Take Two & Text Me

Subject treated a casual friendship like a corporate performance review.

View rx
  • Take Two & Text Me prescription icon
    Prescription-Inspired

    Parody labels made for real-life symptoms

  • Take Two & Text Me heart icon
    Sweet Dose Included

    Curated candy options selected to match each prescription

  • Take Two & Text Me gift box icon
    Gift-Ready

    Easy to send, gift, keep, or hand over dramatically

  • Take Two & Text Me not medicine icon
    Duh, Not Real Medicine

    Only fun, packaged emotional side effects support