{"product_id":"capricorn-crystals-capricorn-gift","title":"Capricorn Crystals","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCapricorn Crystals™\u003c\/strong\u003e is a prescription-strength, humor-inspired gift for the zodiac sign whose whole personality comes with a warning label: burnout, cynicism, and quiet success spirals.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMade for fake rest days, ambitious exhaustion, delayed feelings, and the friend who can build an empire but has to schedule time to cry.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePrescribed by:\u003c\/strong\u003e Dr. Always Working for the \u003cstrong\u003eEmotionally Backlogged\u003c\/strong\u003e. \u003cstrong\u003eDosage:\u003c\/strong\u003e Take when you schedule your own breakdown. \u003cstrong\u003eRefills:\u003c\/strong\u003e After fake rest days. \u003cstrong\u003eExpires:\u003c\/strong\u003e After 2025 goals hit. \u003cstrong\u003eDirections:\u003c\/strong\u003e You’re doing great. Rest is not weakness. Crying is not canceled.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect for Capricorn gifts, zodiac gifts, astrology gifts, horoscope gifts, and funny burnout gifts for overachievers.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eHumor gift only. Not medicine. May not cancel the next goal.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNet Weight:\u003c\/strong\u003e 4.5 oz candy fill.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Take Two \u0026 Text Me","offers":[{"title":"Soft Hustle Mix (Good \u0026 Plenty)","offer_id":51029285667062,"sku":"ZRX-CAP-GOO","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rest Reminder Tablets (Smarties Tablets)","offer_id":51029285699830,"sku":"ZRX-CAP-SMA","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cynic Soother Drops (Lemon Drops Claey's)","offer_id":51029285732598,"sku":"ZRX-CAP-LEM","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0807\/8897\/9958\/files\/funny-capricorn-gifts-capricorn-crystals-front.jpg?v=1783012923","url":"https:\/\/taketwoandtextme.com\/products\/capricorn-crystals-capricorn-gift","provider":"Take Two \u0026 Text Me™","version":"1.0","type":"link"}