{"title":"🚨 Adulting Triage™","description":"\u003cp style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eCoping mechanisms for checking your bank account and text notifications.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eAdulting Triage™ is a prescription-inspired collection for basic responsibilities, overdue bills, chaotic schedules, existential dread, and pretending everything is under control. These funny adulting gifts are made for overwhelmed friends, modern life crises, and anyone who needs a sweet little dose of comic relief.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTake two, open the bills, and pretend everything is under control.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"bills-bills-bills","title":"Bills. Bills. Bills.","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBills. Bills. 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Side effects include hiding from notifications.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNet Weight:\u003c\/strong\u003e 4.5 oz candy fill.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Take Two \u0026 Text Me","offers":[{"title":"Bill Shock Buffer (Smarties Tablets)","offer_id":50756803625206,"sku":"AT-BBB-SMT","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sour Balance Due (Mike And Ike Sour)","offer_id":50756803657974,"sku":"AT-BBB-MIKS","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hard Payment Plan (Mini Jawbreakers)","offer_id":50756803690742,"sku":"AT-BBB-MJB","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0807\/8897\/9958\/files\/funny-adulting-gift-bills-front.jpg?v=1782434659"},{"product_id":"espresso-yourself","title":"Espresso Yourself","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEspresso Yourself™\u003c\/strong\u003e is for the adult who treats espresso like a personality, a coping mechanism, and a questionable life strategy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMade for unrealistic to-do lists, fast typing, faster spirals, and the deep belief that one more cup will fix absolutely everything.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePrescribed by \u003cstrong\u003eDr. Cold Brew Chaos\u003c\/strong\u003e for \u003cstrong\u003eOne More Cup\u003c\/strong\u003e. \u003cstrong\u003eDosage:\u003c\/strong\u003e Take when adulting needs jet fuel. \u003cstrong\u003eRefills:\u003c\/strong\u003e Each time energy runs out. \u003cstrong\u003eExpires:\u003c\/strong\u003e When sleep is optional. \u003cstrong\u003eDirections:\u003c\/strong\u003e Use with sarcasm, unrealistic to-do lists, and the belief that this cup will fix everything you’ve ever avoided.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect for funny coworker gifts, caffeine gifts, funny adulting gifts, work burnout gifts, and anyone powered by coffee and poor decisions.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMay cause overconfidence and crashes. 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Swipe responsibly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect for funny adulting gifts, broke-payday gifts, life-crisis gifts, money-stress humor, and anyone who got paid and is still confused.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMay trigger spending amnesia. Side effects include regret and overdraft fees.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNet Weight:\u003c\/strong\u003e 4.5 oz candy fill.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Take Two \u0026 Text Me","offers":[{"title":"Direct Deposit Disappearing Act (Mike And Ike Mega Mix)","offer_id":50756804018422,"sku":"AT-JPSB-MIKMM","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Payday Panic Pieces (Smarties Tablets)","offer_id":50756804051190,"sku":"AT-JPSB-SMT","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rent Week Sour (Fruit Sour Watermelon Sweet Candy)","offer_id":50756804083958,"sku":"AT-JPSB-FSWSC","price":23.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0807\/8897\/9958\/files\/life-is-hard-gift-still-broke-front.jpg?v=1782434639"},{"product_id":"lost-social-battery","title":"Lost Social Battery","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLost Social Battery™\u003c\/strong\u003e is for the person who attended one social event and now needs three to five business days of silence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMade for small-talk survival, avoiding eye contact, canceling plans internally, and pretending to be “so excited” when the battery is at 1%.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePrescribed by \u003cstrong\u003eDr. Need Silence\u003c\/strong\u003e for \u003cstrong\u003eAvoiding Eye Contact\u003c\/strong\u003e. \u003cstrong\u003eDosage:\u003c\/strong\u003e Take when interaction feels illegal. \u003cstrong\u003eRefills:\u003c\/strong\u003e If you need to fake interest. \u003cstrong\u003eExpires:\u003c\/strong\u003e After two parties and one “let’s catch up!” \u003cstrong\u003eDirections:\u003c\/strong\u003e Use before ghosting respectfully.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect for introvert gifts, funny self-care gifts, social battery gifts, adulting gifts, and anyone emotionally unavailable after brunch.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eMay restore introvert equilibrium. 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